No, seriously. Where are they?
I had a stunning and, to be honest, somewhat sad realization the other day. I've had some GREAT guys in my life...and for one reason or another, we parted ways. And when I think back, I'm so mad at these A+ dudes I let slip through my fingers. Even the A- dudes... and the B+ dudes weren't too bad either. But my last relationship...well, he was a C- dude. The lower side of Average. And yet I hung around for 3 years. Hoping it would end up being better than it was.
Guess what?
It wasn't.
And guess what else?
I still miss him.
It's not that I am wishing we were back together. I'm not. I spent a year convincing myself I could make it work with him, but I couldn't. But I miss having someone. I miss being part of a pair. And he at least made me laugh.
I could launch into what went wrong or the things about him that drove me crazy...and probably I could name some things about me that drove him crazy. But that's not why we're here. (you're still here, right? still reading? ok, just checking.)
We're here because I need to stop focusing on the past. And start dreaming up my ideal man. Think "vision boarding" or "The Secret". Except...I'm not taking it quite so seriously. If, by chance, my perfect man materializes out of thin air just from blogging about it, bully for me!
But if for some strange reason my life isn't like Ruby Sparks, I just get a chance to think up all the awesome things my future relationship could be while (maybe) sometimes complaining about things that past relationships haven't been.
My point is - I need to stop focusing on the past and what I had that was great and focus on finding THAT in the future instead of settling for C-.
Shall we begin? I'll start this inauguratory blog post with 2 ideal attributes I'd like to find in a man.
Can I find a man who makes me laugh? A man who has an amazing sense of humor (maybe similar to mine?) and knows how to make me bust a gut? *
And, since I believe that this is actually what was missing in my last 2 relationships, can I find a man who couldn't imagine being with anyone else but me?
Ok, so you may be thinking, there's nobody out there like that - everyone dreams of the perfect person no matter what, but you know what I'm saying right? You've had that feeling of, "I am so lucky...they picked me. They love me. And I love them so much that sometimes, even in a huge crowd, nobody else exists."
....or is that just me?
Regardless...I think I've always felt replacable. Probably because I've always been replacable. Easily replacable. Like, 3 or 4 year relationship ends and a few weeks later, my ex is facebook official with some girl that either looks a lot like me or that everyone says "if she weren't with _____, you'd be friends with her! you guys would get along so well!" ....Shut up. No, we wouldn't. Because she is with _______. And because of that, I think she's ugly and stupid and probably really, really lame. And well, when she looks a lot like me, that just weirds me out.
Still with me, reader? If so, I am grateful. And sort of amazed. I ramble - these posts may be straight up sincere, funny, heartbreaking, or even offensive, but I will say this: whatever I say I want, it's true. I want it. I'm not saying if they don't have it, it's a deal breaker. It's not like I will use this as a checklist while dating. I'm just saying I want it.
So, here we go.
*This one is a deal breaker. I need to laugh if I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with you.
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