makes me a PB&J to take for lunch while I'm getting ready in the morning?

Can I find a man who makes me a PB&J to take for lunch while I'm getting ready in the morning?

Well, that seems super specific, doesn't it?  It doesn't have to be a PB&J - I'm just saying it can be simple.  A turkey sandwich.  The leftovers from the night before.  Whatever, if you'll surprise me by making me lunch while I'm in the shower, YOU WIN.

It's always about the little things.  Maybe I was running late, maybe you just knew it would take a little bit off my plate (ha! a pun! sort of!), maybe you just like making PB&J's.  Doesn't matter.  It's the thought that counts!  I'll say it again!  IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!

And if you sneak a cookie in there too...well, you've got me eating out of the palm of your hand.  (ha! another pun! i'm on a roll!  ....wait a sec...was that ANOTHER one?  i can't stop!)

Plus you know I'll think of you at lunchtime when I am remembering that I didn't have to make my own lunch this morning.

C'mon.  It's adorable.

How about those puns, though?  Seriously?

comes with me to doctors/vet appointments?

Can I find a man who comes with me to doctors/vet appointments?

(PS: today's post is brought to you by obnoxious clip art.)

Ok, I'm not talking everything here.  I don't need him at my yearly check-up....or my teeth cleaning.  But when it's important, I want a guy who is like "absolutely I will be at this appointment with you". 

Or...y'know, if he has nothing better to do and the dog is going to the vet....maybe he could just come along?  Be in the loop.  So I don't have to try and remember exactly what the doctor said.  And so I don't forget to ask any questions. 

 

Also - I feel like this is foreshadowing.  If he's willing to suck it up for this stuff, it probably means he'll come to my appointments when I'm preggo.  Or when the kids have to go to the doctor, he'll help me out.  Right?

Or at least it gives me hope that he would....

Point being....Be there.  Make an effort.  Be supportive.  Yadda yadda. 

Happy Chanukah to all and to all a good night!

takes my PMS in stride?

Can I find a man who takes my PMS in stride?

I mean, I know it's a pain.  I know I get melodramatic and cranky.  I know that I eat like a 250 pound man for 3 days and maybe it scares you a little.

It's a couple days a month, ok?  And later I'll have your babies.  Fair trade, I think.

And that's all I have to say about that.

charms the pants off my family?

Can I find a man who charms the pants off my family?

Not literally, of course.  That'd be nasty.  Seriously, why'd you go there?

Anyway, as I was saying....

(seriously...my worst nightmares...the circle of trust....)

I want a guy who can get my family to adore him ALMOST as much as I do!  Meeting the parents, the siblings, the extendeds....it's scary!  Not just for the guy...but for me too!  I want my family to love him because...well, it makes everything a lot easier if everyone gets along really well, doesn't it?

Then you know you can bring him to family events with no fear.  They'll want him around! 

There is such drama that can occur with the alternative....it may just be a deal breaker.  Family is so important to me that if we can't be around them because there's beef (Metaphorical beef, not actual beef.  I'm fine with beef.  I'm also fine with a lack of beef.  Whatever you prefer to put in your tummy.  I don't judge.), I don't see it working.

So I'd like a guy who can relate to my dad, can make friends with my brother, can impress my sister and can pass whatever test my mom discreetly throws at him. 

As well as make friends with my friends. 

And win over my dog.  That's a big one.  My dog better LOVE you. 

And you better LOVE MY DOG. 

And my family. 

But seriously, my dog.

I'm sorry....I couldn't resist.  Seriously?  This is hilarious.

Ok?  Ok, Thanks.

does not leave the sink a mess after he shaves?

Can I find a man who does not leave the sink a mess after he shaves??

 

 

 

 

ALL THOSE TINY HAIRS?! 

You're torturing me. 

I'm not even that much of a neat freak....but tiny hairs....near my toothbrush?  NOT OK.

That is all.  Thank you.

surprises me?

Can I find a man who surprises me?

I mean, all sorts of surprises.

Surprises me with his thoughts, his words, his actions. 

I really enjoy when a man says something I'm not expecting.  Or has an opinion or an idea I wouldn't have expected from him.  Or brings me flowers.  Or a pumpkin.  Or shows up at the office to take me to lunch.  ...you are getting the idea, right? 

If this blog is any indication, I know what I want and what I like.  And therefore, I think men have honestly been intimidated at the idea of trying to surprise me...for fear that I won't like it. 

To those men, I say this:  You're so wrong.  As I've said a dozen times before, it's the effort that counts.  And you missed out on totally sweeping me off my feet because of it.  So there.

Also - I hate making decisions as far as "dates" or whatever, so if a guy is like "oh I picked a restaurant and we're going and ta-da!  surprise!" and I didn't even have to think about it?  Awesome.

enjoys the holidays as much as I do?

Can I find a man who enjoys the holidays as much as I do?

Because if he doesn't, boy is he gonna get sick of me during November and December.

Let's put it this way, it is November 9th and I have already had 4 hot chocolates, made my Christmas list, watched 2 Christmas movies, and I've been listening to Christmas tunes at work pretty much all week. 

And I am just getting started.

Here's the other thing - I have very important traditions during the holidays.  Things I MUST do and MUST see.  Here are a few things that my dream man could do to make me happy during the holidays:

Take me here:

Rockefeller Center is a must.  I don't need to skate, but I want to look at the rink and the tree and take in the magic of the biggest tree in the city.

Take me here:

The Time Warner building puts up these beautiful stars that play a little light show to Christmas music.  My heart flutters with joy. 

Take me here:

 The UNICEF snowflake outside of Tiffany & Co.  So pretty.

Take me to see this:

A nice boy took me as a birthday present my first year in NYC.  And I go back every year.  You may think that's weird, but it really puts me in the Christmas spirit!

Go Christmas shopping with me with a quick stop at L.A. Burdick for some of the best hot chocolate in the universe.  :)  At least so far.  I can't claim I've tried every hot chocolate in the universe.  Feel free to give me some suggestions if you think you know one that's better.

This is just a few things you can do to win me over during the holidays.  I'm not even going to go into decorating, music or gifts (except I will say - make it something from the heart over something you think will impress me!  c'mon now!  it's the THOUGHT that counts - isn't that what we all say?) because that will just make this post go on way too long.

Anyway, my point.  Holidays.  Good things.  Yes please.  Don't get sick of me.

Votes?

Can I find a man who votes?

Who is educated about the candidates, cares about our country and how it is run, and makes an effort to make his own voice heard?

The particular beliefs honestly aren't quite as important to me.  There are a few that may be deal-breakers, but I can respect a different opinion than my own. 

And I'm not just talking voting for President!  I want someone who votes in every election - and knows why he's voting for whoever he picks.  It's worth doing research on these things.

And I bet you, if he does research on politicians, he does research on other important things.  So really, it's just proving what a thoughtful guy he is. 

Regardless of how the election turned out in your opinion, I hope you voiced your opinion and voted yesterday.  Let's hope and pray for progress, people.  Regardless of who is at the head.  The country's welfare is most important here!

(stepping off the soapbox now.)

keeps me company during a hurricane?

Can I find a man who keeps me company during a hurricane? 

For the next one?  Because last week it was just me and the dog.

Sorry I have been out of touch - but if you haven't heard, a hurricane ROCKED the East Coast and I was right in the thick of it.  Power is on now, subways are running and this girl is back on the hunt for the man of her dreams.

You'll hear from me again soon - but at this point, all I ask is for a man who will stick by me during a big ol' natural disaster.

leaves me handwritten notes for me to find?

Can I find a man who leaves me handwritten notes for me to find?

One of the most stupidly romantic and adorable things that someone has ever done for me was to stick a little handwritten "I love you" note into my suitcase when I was going out of town without him. I mean, talk about sweet. I open up my bag and I am rummaging through my things and I stumble upon a post-it.

 

 

Just a perfect little reminder that this guy wanted me to know he would miss me while I was gone. 

Sigh....he won me over right then and there.

And then months later, he broke my heart....but I'll always remember his little notes...even if I threw them out in a fit of anger after we broke up.  It's the thought that counts, I guess.

will make me a mix tape?

Can I find a man who will make me a mix tape?

Remember that?  When we felt like our feelings just couldn't be expressed any better than through someone else's love song lyrics?

If you have a good taste in music (and I pray that you do if I'm going to try to date you), a mix tape is a perfect way to make a girl go weak in the knees.  Truly.  I've had some amazing mix tapes in my life - I'm lucky like that.  And every time, I melt into a puddle of goo after I listen to them.

But, be aware:

We will analyze every lyric, every word even, for some secret glimpse into your soul and your feelings for us.  So you must choose carefully.  One wrong song and you send the girl into a panic attack.  So please, no Sir Mix-A-Lot.  Nothing with a "friend" theme.  And make sure the song isn't about breaking up.  Some of those break up tunes say some really sweet things before they drop the bomb.

In conclusion: a mixtape, when executed well, is the most adorable old-school way to make a girl swoon.

remembers the little things in a conversation?

Can I find a man who remembers the little things in a conversation?

I find that a man can SHOCK me with this ability.

For instance:

We are having a conversation.  I mention in passing that I am going out on Friday with my friend, X, for cupcakes.  He's never met X; doesn't know who X is.  I also happen to mention that X has been feeling down because the guy she's been seeing has turned out to be a total butthead.  Conversation continues on to other things.

Saturday, guy asks me "Is X feeling better?  Did the cupcakes help her get over the butthead guy?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You remembered all that?  You were listening that closely to what I was saying?? 

Now, maybe you feel that this shouldn't be shocking.  Maybe YOU feel like every guy should be able to do this.  Well, let me tell you something:

EVERY GUY IS NOT ABLE TO DO THIS.

Maybe you have just lucked out and you have a man who really listens to everything you say.  And CARES.  But there are lots of gentlemen out there (who may be really great guys!  honestly!) who just sort of zone out when it's not something of interest to them. 

Also - a bonus point for this attribute?  If you casually mention something (i.e. oh, i have remember to pick up my drycleaning after work today!  i keep forgetting!) and guy is so freaking sweet that he sends you an email at 4:55pm (right before you leave work) saying "don't forget about your drycleaning!" or something cute to that effect.

I mean, can't you just feel the warm fuzzies?  From a guy who listens?  Who isn't a licensed therapist?

Amen.

is a creative gift giver?

Can I find a man who is a creative gift giver? 

For example:

Today I went to lunch with a dear friend - who I am hopelessly attracted to and he lives miles and miles away - and almost every single time I see him, he has some little gift for me.  (Yes, gentlemen, he is that guy.  That guy that makes you look bad.)  Always something little and sweet.  Flowers, a book, a card, what have you. 

So today, he presents me with this: 

A perfect, tiny pumpkin.

I mean, how adorable is that?  Seriously?  Seriously.  That is so flipping cute.  I just about melted into a puddle of goo.

Here's my point, guys.  It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive.  It just has to have some thought behind it.  He knows me well enough to know I would love this.  And it's quirky and cool and makes me think "what an amazing guy". 

His mission: accomplished.

And now I'm over here swooning about it. 

knows how to dress himself?

Can I find a man who knows how to dress himself? 

And when I say this, I mean dress himself WELL.  He doesn't have to be perfect - I love just jeans and a t-shirt on a guy.  But...every so often, when you're taking me out, can you look a little something like this:

 Or this:

Or (ohmygoshilovethislooksomuch) this:

Is it obvious I have a type? 


But I'll say, even this is sexy:

(And not just because it's Johnny Depp...but because it's a LOOK and he pulls it off like WHOA.)

But seriously, a man who knows how to dress well is really hot.  Plus it makes me want to dress up so we look like a super fabulous couple!  And isn't that fun?




Photo credits:
http://www.selectism.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Jack-QA-front.jpg
http://nanugist.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/jcrew_s2010.jpg?w=460
http://lovesthat.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/banana-republic-mens-shawl-collar-cardigan.jpg?w=225&h=300
http://en.amerikanki.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Johnny-Depp-in-white-T-shirt-and-jeans.jpg

texts you with messages worth responding to?

Can I find a man who texts you with messages worth responding to?

Example:

.........what is that?


Honestly, I don't want to respond to a text like that.  "Hey"  "Hi"  "Yo"

I mean, it's like you're initiating conversation but you just don't care enough to ask a question or tell me something interesting.  "hey, what's up" is more acceptable - and even that sort of bugs me.

Why are you texting me?  "Hey" tells me nothing.  Here are some better options:

"How is your day going?"
"Hey beautiful!  What are you up to today?"
"You're so gorgeous and I just can't stop thinking about you.  PS How are you?"
"Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?"
"Pitch Perfect is playing at 8PM at the AMC - Want to see it with me?"
"I am choking.  Call 911."
"Had a great time on our super romantic date last night.  Call me!"
"Do you like Korean food?"


...there are two things all of these messages have in common. 

1)  They are made up of more than 3 letters.
2)  They each have a subject and a verb.

C'mon guys.  Make a little bit of effort, please.  I promise, it pays off.

admits the way to his heart is through is stomach?

Can I find a man who fully admits the way to his heart is through his stomach?

I love to cook.  I think I'm pretty good at it.  I'm no Julia Child, mind you, but I can hold my own! 

I make a mean pasta sauce. 

I love to bake. 

I'll whip up some delicious pancakes in the morning.

And I want a man who loves to sit down to a meal made by ME!  And then tells me how great it is.  And how it may even be (gasp!) better than his mother's recipe.

Oh yeah.  I went there.




Photo credit: http://thefoodillusion.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/pasta-2b.jpg
Photo credit: https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQri5Fn46d9OT2pLtmg8y9nPtwz1OPkZFhx6i23J5rlJoqouVQP
Photo credit: http://www.musingsofahousewife.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/pancakes.jpg

uses just the right amount of snark?

Can I find a man who uses just the right amount of snark?  He never goes too far, only uses it in appropriate situations, and hopefully only directs it at me in that cute, flirty way that some guys have got down to a science to make you swoon?  (hey run-on sentence!  good to see ya!)

What I'm saying is, don't be an actual jerk, be a charming kind-of jerk who is also sincere when it matters. 



Photo credit: http://360church.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sarcasm.jpg

can buy me a ring from Tiffany & Co like it's no big thing?

Can I find a man who can buy me an engagement ring from Tiffany & Co -

- that one, please and thank you -

without having to bat an eyelash?  And without making a face like "whoa, this is pricey for a RING".

Y'know what, pal?  That ring is gonna be on my finger for the rest of my LIFE.  So I want it to be flipping AWESOME.  Plus, if I mean that much to you that you want to be tied to me until you croak, I would think a measly $30,000 wouldn't be that big of a deal if you're thinking about the decades I will spend admiring it.

And perhaps, if I'm not feeling greedy in my old age, I will bequeath it to our daughter or something nice like that.

Photo credit: http://www.tiffany.com/shared/images/diamond/photo/glossary_novo.jpg

doesn't care if I don't shave my legs for a week or two?

Can I get a man who doesn't care if I don't shave my legs for a week or two? 

I mean, sometimes that extra 8 minutes in the shower is just not doable.

And the bending.  I don't think I've really ever seen the back of my knee so how am I supposed to know how if I really got all the hair off of it?

And don't even get me started on what a pain shaving cream (does anyone really use cream anymore?  it's all about the gel.) can be... Maybe it's just me but I end up dropping most of it and then it goes down the drain and I have to get more. 

I really only have the patience every week or two.  Is there a man out there who can deal with that?

Picture credit: http://backseatcuddler.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/hairy-legs.jpg

thinks it's charming when I yell at the TV while my favorite team is playing?

Can I find a man who finds it charming when I yell at the TV while my favorite team is playing?

And maybe he likes sports too?  And we share a favorite team?  Or at least he doesn't root for the Patriots...or Cleveland...ooo, or the Yankees or Mets.

Seriously, I may not know all the rules, but I know the difference between winning and losing.  (and I may surprise you with a few statistics!)  But find it cute, ok?


Photo Credit: http://www.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/girls-watching-sports-main.jpg

will let me sleep in one of his shirts while he's away?

Can I find a man who will let me sleep in one of his shirts while he's away? 

One that he's worn recently, so it smells like him. 

I'm a clothing stealer.  I'll give it back, of course, but if it smells like you and it's comfy, I want it!




*Photo credit: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l43byukByt1qarlfdo1_500.jpg

doesn't judge me when I eat cookies for dinner?

Can I find a man who doesn't judge me when I eat cookies for dinner?

Like this:

Or these:

Or maybe just dessert in general?

Or perhaps like last night:

I promise I won't feed our children meals like this, but can I do it?  Without judgement?  And perhaps even with a "oh darling, you're so cute" look?





Photo credit: http://stories.mnhs.org/mgg/resources/artifacts/img_slide/baking.jpg
Photo credit: http://images.mdlzapps.com/na/images/ocpimages/44000/00820cf.gif
Photo credit: http://www.blogcdn.com/www.slashfood.com/media/2008/06/chocicecream.jpg
Photo credit: http://philadelphia.foobooz.com/files/2012/03/insomnia-cookie-sandwich.jpg

Where have all the good men gone?

No, seriously.  Where are they? 

I had a stunning and, to be honest, somewhat sad realization the other day.  I've had some GREAT guys in my life...and for one reason or another, we parted ways.  And when I think back, I'm so mad at these A+ dudes I let slip through my fingers.  Even the A- dudes... and the B+ dudes weren't too bad either.  But my last relationship...well, he was a C- dude.  The lower side of Average.  And yet I hung around for 3 years.  Hoping it would end up being better than it was. 

Guess what? 

It wasn't.

And guess what else?

I still miss him.

It's not that I am wishing we were back together.  I'm not.  I spent a year convincing myself I could make it work with him, but I couldn't.  But I miss having someone.  I miss being part of a pair.  And he at least made me laugh.

I could launch into what went wrong or the things about him that drove me crazy...and probably I could name some things about me that drove him crazy.  But that's not why we're here.  (you're still here, right?  still reading?  ok, just checking.)

We're here because I need to stop focusing on the past.  And start dreaming up my ideal man.  Think "vision boarding" or "The Secret".  Except...I'm not taking it quite so seriously.  If, by chance, my perfect man materializes out of thin air just from blogging about it, bully for me! 

But if for some strange reason my life isn't like Ruby Sparks, I just get a chance to think up all the awesome things my future relationship could be while (maybe) sometimes complaining about things that past relationships haven't been.

My point is - I need to stop focusing on the past and what I had that was great and focus on finding THAT in the future instead of settling for C-. 

Shall we begin?  I'll start this inauguratory blog post with 2 ideal attributes I'd like to find in a man.


Can I find a man who makes me laugh?  A man who has an amazing sense of humor (maybe similar to mine?) and knows how to make me bust a gut? *


And, since I believe that this is actually what was missing in my last 2 relationships, can I find a man who couldn't imagine being with anyone else but me?


Ok, so you may be thinking, there's nobody out there like that - everyone dreams of the perfect person no matter what, but you know what I'm saying right?  You've had that feeling of, "I am so lucky...they picked me.  They love me.  And I love them so much that sometimes, even in a huge crowd, nobody else exists."

....or is that just me?

Regardless...I think I've always felt replacable.  Probably because I've always been replacable.  Easily replacable.  Like, 3 or 4 year relationship ends and a few weeks later, my ex is facebook official with some girl that either looks a lot like me or that everyone says "if she weren't with _____, you'd be friends with her!  you guys would get along so well!"  ....Shut up.  No, we wouldn't.  Because she is with _______.  And because of that, I think she's ugly and stupid and probably really, really lame.  And well, when she looks a lot like me, that just weirds me out. 

Still with me, reader?  If so, I am grateful.  And sort of amazed.  I ramble - these posts may be straight up sincere, funny, heartbreaking, or even offensive, but I will say this: whatever I say I want, it's true.  I want it.  I'm not saying if they don't have it, it's a deal breaker.  It's not like I will use this as a checklist while dating.  I'm just saying I want it.

So, here we go. 



*This one is a deal breaker.  I need to laugh if I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with you.